Lean Green Mom

For probably the fourth time in the last month, I just got asked my favorite question: "Are you pregnant?" Let me tell you how much I absolutely love that question. It fills me with a certain black-hearted rage that makes me feel (as my friends would say) stabby.

Why do you, random stranger, feel the need to comment on my body? Am I overweight? Sure am. Do I look like I could perhaps be harboring a small fugitive inside the roundness of my belly? Absolutely. But who are you to ask and quite frankly, why do you care?

My favorite and standard response to the question is, "No, I'm just fat." That always makes people squirm a little and start drowning in the stupidity and audacity of their question. Sometimes, like a few weeks ago, people try to dig themselves out only to make it worse by asking an even more terrible question like, "Oh, well did you just have a baby?" As if having just had a baby would make it, by your standards, ok that I'm fat.

Why is it ok for anyone to comment on someone's body? Not to play the gender card, but I'm totally going to - women's bodies are always such open targets for chatter. I never hear people outwardly judging or talking about a fat man, but if a fat woman is walking by all of a sudden it's "OMG, please don't ever let me get fat like that" or "Wow she'd be so pretty if she lost weight." Does anyone ever say some guy would be hot if he was skinny? Does the fat guy even get a second glance much the same way a woman does? Better yet, does the "hot" guy get cat-called and harassed like an attractive woman does? I'm sure on the rare occasion, yes, but for the most part I'm going to give that a resounding no. I've seen women, friends of mine even, harassed about being overweight in public and left feeling less-than, as if her body was something to be ashamed of...and quite frankly, it's disgusting and sad.

Even outside of the fat and skinny debate, people have such issues with the female body, like it should be covered and hidden away in secret. Take school dress codes for example. Girls aren't allowed to wear certain things so as not to "distract" the boys. Maybe the boys should learn a thing or two about getting their priorities straight and stop gawking at others. Moms are harassed about breastfeeding in public because, gasp, oh no - a breast! We shouldn't have to hide our bodies or feel bad about our bodies because other people feel the need to stare or have an opinion.

My body is my biggest insecurity and yet, my body isn't me, it's just the thing I happen to inhabit. I have spent an immeasurable amount of time fixating on, crying over, and trying to change my body. I can say with certainty that most, if not all of, my self-hatred stems from my poor body image. Is most of it in my head? I suppose so, but a lot of it comes from others. Others making comments, others asking questions, others just taking my body and trying to make it their own. Suggestions on ways to eat, how to work out, special diets, while all in theory trying to be well-meaning, but simply adding to the problem. I realize I am allowing myself to let others get me down, but not allowing it is easier said than done. After a while it starts to eat at you and builds you into this person that lives to tear yourself down. Who am I outside of my body-shaming and self-loathing? Not entirely sure to be honest.

The female body is a beautiful thing, whether you wear a size 2 or 22, but keep your comments, thoughts, questions, and criticisms to yourself. Whatever is going on with someone's body - whether a pregnancy, weight gain, weight loss, sickness, whatever - is none of your (random stranger) business. Worry about yourself people, or better yet, find something better to think about all together than a body, whether someone else's or your own.

This turned into way more of a soapbox than I intended to in one post, but the words just came so I went with it.

...and on that note, I think it's time to officially put this blog to rest. I realize if I don't want people to comment on my body in real life, I probably shouldn't be putting it all out here for the world to comment on as well. This blog started as just a place to write and evolved into a place to document weight loss and fitness after I had my son. The comments and encouragement I got really helped to lift my spirits along the way, but in reality I probably fed off of any praise I got a little too much and that's not necessarily a good thing for me. I met many awesome bloggers that are now friends along the way, and for that I'm grateful. I still love blogging and will continue writing and may even one day start up another blog, but it's time to say goodnight to this one. Wishing everyone the best of luck on their journey, whatever it may be.

Being a Mom's Meet blogger allows me to try some of the newest and greatest healthy and green living products. I recently was sent some SweetLeaf Organics Organic Stevia sweetener to review and couldn't wait to try it.

This is such a strange post for me write. When you look at me, and take in my size, you would never think eating disorder, or at least not in the traditional sense. I know when I usually think of eating disorders, I think of anorexia or bulimia, and usually someone very skinny and potentially unhealthy looking. There is certainly no one telling me to eat a sandwich.

Yet over the last year or so, my diet had become an obsession. I just always assumed I was very committed to my diet and had the willpower to say no to all of the unapproved foods. When I decide on a diet, I usually commit 110%. When I was on Keto, I didn't give in to unapproved foods. Even when dining out with friends, I'd order the burger with no bun or whatever else was on the approved list (granted I'd still, in my head, be worrying about hidden carbs that could be in my food).

I'd say last year was probably my worst year for diet obsession, specifically starting in July. I got into Keto hard. Every book I read was diet related, I spent hours on the Keto reddit forum, and basically immersed myself in the world of very low carb dieting. I spouted off my low carb dogma to whoever would listen and judged the carb eaters. I wouldn't go anywhere without bringing pre-approved snacks and checking menus. Then after a few months, my weight loss stalled.

I wasn't originally counting calories, just making sure to keep my fat grams high and the carbs low. I had lost 20lbs in 2 months and my body decided to slow down. That's when I bought a food scale. What if I had been eating too many carbs all of this time? I figured I clearly was doing something wrong - clearly I needed to be doing this perfectly. I got to the point of weighing everything I ate, drank, or even thought about eating. It was kind of an IIFYM (if it fits your macros), but I was obsessed.

If I couldn't weigh it, or find the nutrition info for a restaurant, chances are I wouldn't eat the food or would ask to eat somewhere that had nutrition stats listed. Heaven forbid someone take a bite of what I weighed, tracked, and accounted for. My Fitness Pal was my best friend and everything went into there. It was like a religion and it sort of took over my life. All I thought about was food, what I could eat, when I could eat it, and would it fit my macros. I really felt out of control by how in control I was over my food. It was almost suffocating, but I tried my best to keep it to myself.

My friend, pointed out that she thought I had a problem, but I would just laugh it off. It wasn't until I had meticulously cut (and weighed) a loaf of (gluten-free, low carb) bread I baked into 22 equal slices that I realized maybe I really was a little too obsessed. My friend came over to try some of the bread. Mind you, I was almost out of butter, and who wants bread without butter. I had exactly 1 1/2 tbsp left and had already tracked that butter for the day; 1/2 tbsp for my slice of bread I scarfed before she came and saw I had butter and 1 tbsp for my broccoli for dinner . I actually hid the butter from her and told her I didn't have any because I didn't want to mess up my macros (Hi YJ, I know you're reading this - surprise, I had butter). I literally couldn't stand the thought of having to change my already perfectly accounted for macros for the day that I had to lie about having butter.

That was the point when I told Hubby I needed to stop. I found, Diet Recovery and set about reading it on my iPad. It talked all about living in a Diet Dungeon, how I've probably royally screwed my metabolism, and how to let it go. It's still a struggle, but I'm trying. Even today, when I was sharing an apple with my son, I had a brief moment of panic about macros because someone else was eating my food. Granted it wasn't portioned and I wasn't tracking it, it was just second nature to feel that way.

Hubby has hidden both my food scale and regular scale, and I feel a bit more freedom with myself and life. I deleted all of the fitness and food accounts from my Instagram and other social media so I wasn't constantly bombarded with diet into. I don't obsessively think about food, I just eat. I still limit some foods, but I'm limiting them because of how they make my body feel - like grains (I get congested), added sugars (I go overboard and end up crashing afterwards and feeling lousy), and legumes (because Hubby is allergic so it's best to keep them out of the house). I'm trying to nourish my body in the best way possible because it feels good and not because some diet guru told me carbs are bad, or fat is the devil.

It really is a day-to-day thing for me. While I don't think I actually had or have any sort of eating disorder (though much about orthorexia rings true for me), it was starting to take over my life and it certainly had potential to really get out of control. Thankfully, as much as I can commit to a diet, I can commit to eating whatever I want when I've "fallen off the wagon." Any time I went off of a diet, I just ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, as if it was the Last Supper for every meal. I just knew I wouldn't be allowed to eat tasty things once I went back on a diet so I just gorged myself. That is probably making this transition somewhat easier, but I'm just not used to not being on some sort of diet. It's strange to just eat because I'm hungry and not have to weigh it or see how many carbs it has..it's even more strange to stop when I'm full and not feel like I have to clean my plate because that food has been arbitrarily accounted for. All strange, but nice.

So, here's to healthy habits this year, leaving the food obsessions behind, becoming healthier, truly nourishing my body, and maybe, just maybe, losing a little weight along the way.

I'm always on the hunt for a good crock pot recipe. Lately it's been "cold" here in Florida, and I just love the warmth coming off of my crock pot all day as well as having a house full of delicious smells. I stumbled upon this Chicken Bacon Crock Pot Chowder recipe from Peace + Love + Low Carb and I just knew I had to make it. I changed up how I made it just a bit (omitting some things, or using a slightly different ingredient), but this stuff was comfort in a bowl.

Here's what I used to make it:



I try to eat as clean as possible most days. To me, clean eating goes beyond simple ingredients, but includes also trying to minimize ingesting pesticides, antibiotics, and growth hormones. I want the food I eat and the food I feed my family to be as natural and as close to how mother nature intended as possible. So for this recipe, I made sure to use Harvestland chicken. Harvestland is a brand I'm very familiar with and was asked to share about them through Moms Meet.

Since I started running 2-3 years ago, I always do so on an empty stomach. Morning runs are always my best and I think the reason I always did so well on my evening runs were because I had a running partner to distract me.

From poopy cramps.

Yep. As I mentioned here, I've had a run in with runner's trots. It's only happened a few times, that one being the first, but I quickly realized it happened when I ate something and then ran. Now, not everyone needs to run on an empty stomach and I'm sure having some fuel before a run can be great, just not for me. The other day the weather was amazingly gorgeous - cool, sunny, and breezy - and the Nugget was in school so I decided to go for a run.

Bad idea. In my head, I planned to do a 5k, on my Nike app I set it for 2 miles, in reality, this is what I got:

Now that I'm back on Keto/low-carb, social gatherings can be hard. There's usually many a carb-filled snack or sugar-laden dessert just begging to be eaten. New Years Eve was my first social function and I decided to bring stuff that I made. In the past I always went to store and picked up something pre-made, but that simply wasn't going to cut it. Everyone completely devoured what I made. The key was providing some healthy carb options as well to go with what I brought.

Here are some of the things I made:

Even though I'm on a low carb diet and have no problem spending time in the kitchen, I love convenience foods. Nothing really processed, of course, but simple things I can just pop into my mouth or can make in about 15 or so minutes when I'm just not in the mood to cook. Here are the 5 things I always have ready to go in my house.

1. String cheese. I don't care what time of day it is, I will always happily eat some string cheese. It's a great source of protein and keeps me full for a snack. I usually just throw one into my purse when I'm heading out for the day.

2. Nuts. Macadamia nuts are my current favorite right now. These are filled with healthy fats and they  just taste so good. If I can, I buy my nuts in the 100 calorie packs or a I measure out a serving on the food scale and put them in my own bag. While they're tasty, they're addictive and I could easily just sit down and finish off a whole bag.

3. Quest Bars. I know not everyone likes them and frankly, there are a few of their flavors I just can't do, but these are seriously one of my favorite things to have on hand. I'm OBSESSED with the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough flavor and I usually eat these after running or going to the gym. I love that they're low carb and high in protein and if I can enjoy one warm out of the microwave, even better.

4. Dark chocolate. I know most people don't consider chocolate a health food, but there are many health benefits to good dark chocolate and it keeps me from wanting to binge on junk. I usually eat one square after dinner and it satisfies my sweet tooth. I normally get the 72% dark Ghiradelli, but have been known to buy the 80% before, too. It is somewhat of an acquired taste, but I love it.

5. Smart Flour Foods Pizzas. While I realize this isn't a low carb food, on my carb up days every 2 weeks, this is what I'm craving. I do make cauliflower crust pizzas, but they're just not the same as the real deal. And these pizzas are most definitely the real deal.

What quick and easy foods do you always keep on hand?